If you couldn't tell by the title: Look to the left :)
That's right! We are very excitedly expecting baby #4!
It's funny how things work out. After having our 6th miscarriage in June I had decided to take a step back. That last miscarriage did something to me emotionally that I have never gone through before. It was hard. You prob remember my post about it so I won't go into details :)
At my followup after that miscarriage I had a long talk with my midwife. Who is amazing. She has been my midwife since my first miscarriage before I had Cherish. She knows me in and out and knows my personality. She knows how normally I don't give up hope or lose faith in having a larger family. But she saw it too. She saw that it had beat me up pretty good. So we talked about taking time off from trying. And I felt good about it.
Well, I had my first period after the miscarriage and it wasn't normal. So I tried to keep track of dates to prevent. Thinking I did it right of course. Time went by and I was late- which with me never means anything because mine are always random and late. So I thought nothing of it.
On a Wednesday, as James was getting ready for work we were talking about life. About how it has been a very trying couple of years for us financially. It was strange, as we were hugging goodbye I said, "ya know, I feel like we have been trapped inside the eye of a storm. And I never thought we'd see light again, but I just have this feeling that it's ending. That we are coming out of the storm and the light will be so bright." Oddly, James who is usually the pessimist said, "I know. I feel it too."
Later that day I was thinking about my wisdom teeth appointment Friday. The thought crossed my mind that I had maybe better take a pregnancy test to make sure. In case I can't have the medications used to put me under. So I went to the store and came home with the test. I was going to wait until the next morning so it was the "good" stuff. hee hee But I am impatient. So there I sat, and no longer than 2 seconds had passed when it showed up positive. I just sat there staring in disbelief.
So to shorten this novel I am writing, we told no one for a while. I was completely prepared for the loss and just kept waiting. I was only 3 weeks and 4 days when I found out! Every moment awake was more like a nightmare, waiting for the start of what I was expecting to lose. Finally at 5 and a half weeks I went in for a viability ultrasound. All we could see was a sac and yolk, so again the terror set in. Maybe it was one of those pregnancies where you don't ever develope the baby. That's what ran through my head. The next 2 weeks were agony. The only comfort I received was from feeling slightly sick, and even that couldn't settle my mind.
The two weeks passed and it was time for my ultrasound. I was 7 weeks, 5 days. That meant that no matter which way this went I would know today. I went alone and completely scared. I layed there with my eyes closed while they checked the ovaries and things. Then they said, "there it is!" Tears came before I even opened my eyes. I looked up and there was my little tadpole on the screen. And not just the tadpole. But a healthy, vivacious beating heart. I just cried while they finished. Relief completely surrounded me. It was as if Gods arms just swallowed me up and held me tight. I knew from that moment that this new baby is ours. A keeper. A true blessing and gift.
Our secret got out and that's ok. Since my fat pants are too tight now I wouldn't be able to hide it much longer anyways :) I've had some negative feedback, which I honestly was expecting. And it's fine. Those who think negatively about God blessing us with another baby don't need to be a part of our lives. We have a little more faith and trust that the way will be provided. It always has been. And after going through what I have gone through to get my children, I will never take any soul for granted that I am given. No matter what my circumstances may be. I am just too happy and too at peace to even let it get to me.
I am grateful for how sick I am. For the exhaustion, the puking, the inability to keep up with the 3 other kids and my home. Because that inability means I have a healthy baby inside me growing strong. I won't complain, I won't fuss. I am just too grateful.
Life is amazing. Love is amazing. We are truly blessed.
That's right! We are very excitedly expecting baby #4!
It's funny how things work out. After having our 6th miscarriage in June I had decided to take a step back. That last miscarriage did something to me emotionally that I have never gone through before. It was hard. You prob remember my post about it so I won't go into details :)
At my followup after that miscarriage I had a long talk with my midwife. Who is amazing. She has been my midwife since my first miscarriage before I had Cherish. She knows me in and out and knows my personality. She knows how normally I don't give up hope or lose faith in having a larger family. But she saw it too. She saw that it had beat me up pretty good. So we talked about taking time off from trying. And I felt good about it.
Well, I had my first period after the miscarriage and it wasn't normal. So I tried to keep track of dates to prevent. Thinking I did it right of course. Time went by and I was late- which with me never means anything because mine are always random and late. So I thought nothing of it.
On a Wednesday, as James was getting ready for work we were talking about life. About how it has been a very trying couple of years for us financially. It was strange, as we were hugging goodbye I said, "ya know, I feel like we have been trapped inside the eye of a storm. And I never thought we'd see light again, but I just have this feeling that it's ending. That we are coming out of the storm and the light will be so bright." Oddly, James who is usually the pessimist said, "I know. I feel it too."
Later that day I was thinking about my wisdom teeth appointment Friday. The thought crossed my mind that I had maybe better take a pregnancy test to make sure. In case I can't have the medications used to put me under. So I went to the store and came home with the test. I was going to wait until the next morning so it was the "good" stuff. hee hee But I am impatient. So there I sat, and no longer than 2 seconds had passed when it showed up positive. I just sat there staring in disbelief.
So to shorten this novel I am writing, we told no one for a while. I was completely prepared for the loss and just kept waiting. I was only 3 weeks and 4 days when I found out! Every moment awake was more like a nightmare, waiting for the start of what I was expecting to lose. Finally at 5 and a half weeks I went in for a viability ultrasound. All we could see was a sac and yolk, so again the terror set in. Maybe it was one of those pregnancies where you don't ever develope the baby. That's what ran through my head. The next 2 weeks were agony. The only comfort I received was from feeling slightly sick, and even that couldn't settle my mind.
The two weeks passed and it was time for my ultrasound. I was 7 weeks, 5 days. That meant that no matter which way this went I would know today. I went alone and completely scared. I layed there with my eyes closed while they checked the ovaries and things. Then they said, "there it is!" Tears came before I even opened my eyes. I looked up and there was my little tadpole on the screen. And not just the tadpole. But a healthy, vivacious beating heart. I just cried while they finished. Relief completely surrounded me. It was as if Gods arms just swallowed me up and held me tight. I knew from that moment that this new baby is ours. A keeper. A true blessing and gift.
Our secret got out and that's ok. Since my fat pants are too tight now I wouldn't be able to hide it much longer anyways :) I've had some negative feedback, which I honestly was expecting. And it's fine. Those who think negatively about God blessing us with another baby don't need to be a part of our lives. We have a little more faith and trust that the way will be provided. It always has been. And after going through what I have gone through to get my children, I will never take any soul for granted that I am given. No matter what my circumstances may be. I am just too happy and too at peace to even let it get to me.
I am grateful for how sick I am. For the exhaustion, the puking, the inability to keep up with the 3 other kids and my home. Because that inability means I have a healthy baby inside me growing strong. I won't complain, I won't fuss. I am just too grateful.
Life is amazing. Love is amazing. We are truly blessed.
7 comments:
Congratulations, I am so thrilled for your cute family! Gotta love those tender mercies :)
Congrats! I'm so sorry that people are being stupid and saying mean things! Sorry you've been through so much!
I am so excited for you! Our little babies will be close in age. We for sure need to get together sometime soon, and compare bellies!!!
Congratulations!!! I am so happy for you guys. When are you due? I'm due around the end of March. Baby party!!!
I am so happy for you guys. You have the cutest family.
Hollie, I am happy for you guys. You are so strong through everything. At least you show that you are. Which, probably helps you to be stronger on the inside. Anyway, It is exciting.
This is wonderful! What a story. I am sure it was an emotional roller coaster. I'm looking forward to meeting #4.
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