Eternity {I will Always Miss You Aaron}

I am not even sure how to start this post.

Or what to even say.

How do you sum up everything you feel about your oldest brother? How do you put into words everything your heart feels and your mind remembers, and not have it all sound jumbled?

So forgive me as I try.  And for the length that this entry is going to be.

Friday, November 9th.

My mom was at my home helping me try to stay off my feet.  Doing laundry and keeping the littles busy.

She answered a phone call and walked into the kitchen.  When she came and stood in the doorway she looked as if she had seen a ghost and I knew right away something terrible had happened.

When she told me Aaron had died I could not believe it. We both just sat staring at each other and saying "How?" and "Why?" Then we just held each other and sobbed. Still not comprehending and not understanding.

The next few days were filled with non stop tears, unanswered questions, family arriving, more unanswered questions and trying to put together a service to celebrate and honor the most amazing big brother, and son.

  Yes, we are 9 years apart in age.  But that did not matter.  I still considered us close siblings.  As I do with all 6 of my siblings.

Aaron was always a kid.  A kid, even at the age of 40.  The sweetest, most kind hearted man.  He was always so happy and positive.  Even when life threw him curve balls, I never saw him mad.  He had a love for baseball and world war aircrafts like I have never seen before. He loved movies and food, and music.  So many times he would talk to me about new music he was loving and lend me his cd's to listen to them.

He was the most amazing Uncle.  Every single one of my kids adore him.  He always welcomed them into his room.  He got the biggest kick out them, and the way they talked and the things they would say. He shared his collection of Disney animals and movies with them.  He tickled them and talked to them.

He gave the best hugs.

2 memories that seem to stay at the forefront of my mind are the last 2 memories I have.  

He came to Cherish's baptism.  He didn't make it until the end, and he felt bad.  But that did not matter to me.  He came.  And he gave Cherry the biggest hug.  Little did we know that would be the last time we would see him.

The other time is when I took the kids to moms and he was there and Lillie ran full speed up to him and hugged him so huge and in her squeaky high pitch voice just simply said "Uncle Awin!"  It was the way she said it.  She was tickled pink just to see him.

Aaron and Lillie when she was 7 weeks old







Aaron being Aaron. He had the most infectious laugh.





I can not put into words how much I miss him.  I know where he is.  I know he is so much happier than he ever was here. I know he is fulfilling the purpose he was intended to.

I can't help but hurt. I miss him.  I wasn't ready for him to not be in my life.  I never thought he wouldn't be around to meet our little baby who is nearly here. He was so excited to meet him. I hate knowing I will go to family functions, and there will be a part of me waiting for him to walk through the door. Even though I know he won't.

But I am grateful.  I am grateful for the 40 years he shared with us.  For the 31 years I got to have him as my big brother.
I am grateful that I know I will one day be with him again.  I am grateful that I know that he is my own little personal guardian angel.  I am grateful that I know he is with our babies we lost.

I am grateful for eternity.

We laid his body to rest on November 15, 2012.  It was the most beautiful service.  I feel privileged to have met so many people whose lives' he touched.  I am comforted by the words that were spoken, and the memories that were shared.

One night as we all sat around the dinner table, we came across a message from a man in Brazil.  Where Aaron served his mission 20+ years ago.  He wrote to us how he was Aaron's very first baptism.  And he wanted us to know how much Aaron changed his life.  That he is still strong in the church.  That he is now a Bishop.
That is something none of us will ever forget. And it was the most amazing moment to personally see and feel how Aaron had done so much with his life. Things he probably never realized he had done.  I am grateful for the example Aaron was.  For the way he made the path for us to follow.

One balloon for every year of his life.  Attached to notes of love, and fond memories.

And I am grateful for FAMILY.
For having the chance to grow up in such a large family and a home that was never short on love.


Aaron.  I love you so much. I miss you beyond anything I knew I could feel.

I await the day when we will all be together again.


My brother Jordan is so eloquent with words.  And he wrote and shared the most beautiful life sketch of Aarons life.
 http://www.aaronkeithfinley.com/life-sketch/