Mar 26, 2009

Saying GoodBye



It has come to that day that I never wanted to face but always knew I would have to. Saying goodbye to my favorite grandma. It is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. Despite knowing how old she was and how much pain she was in and how miserable she was living, I still don't want to say it. And I am not ready for it.
I won't say goodbye to my Grandma Elsie. I will just say " See you soon. I love you so very much. I miss you so deeply already my heart is aching. I am so blessed to have had you for my grandma. And so grateful my daughter Cherish Elsie will carry your name for forever. You will always be a part of us. In spirit and in name."
My fondest childhood memories come from time spent in Nebraska with them. The horse wagon rides, the venison stew she made me sit there for 3 hours staring at because I wouldn't eat it.. The threats with the wooden "spoon" on the wall that had holes drilled in it. The sleepovers at her house. The smell her home always had. Sitting and talking to her for long times. Listening to her stories of my mom. Trips to Utah with them. Hooking my granpa's finger when he was baiting my fish hook :) Her cooking. Going through her photoalbums with priceless aged pictures. Family Christmases and Thanksgivings with more family than you can even dream of.
I guess when I think of her that is exactly what she reminds me of in one word. FAMILY. It was always a family gathering. And always a good time. She was an amazing grandma. And as such I know she was an amazing mother, sister, daughter and friend.
So we head out tomorrow on our long drive to Nebraska where all these memories are. I can not wait to see all of our family again. It has been too long. I am excited for that. I am terrified of so many things too. Seeing my mom and her siblings say goodbye to their mom. It is going to kill me. Seeing my granpda all alone with out her. It is going to break my soul. Having Cherish say goodbye knowing she doesn't fully understand. but she knows she is with jesus and she is happy.
I am going to be strong. I need to be for my mom and for my kids. I will take pictures or I know I will regret it.
I need to go clean my house and finish laundry and get things ready to go but I have no energy. But it felt good to get this out and off my chest. If you have read this whole thing... wow :)


And yes the last picture is of me as a baby :D



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4 comments:

Flockhart Family said...

I am so sorry. It is always so hard to loose a grandparent. My grandma died right after me and Stu got married, but I still miss her so much. Be careful on your trip out there. Let us know if there is anything you need.

P.S. The pictures of you look just like Cherish. So Cute!!!

Yvonne said...

Hollie, I am so sorry that you are going through this loss. I am so glad to see you posting about it, and your memories. I so miss you! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Heather said...

I am so sorry Hollie! (((Hugs))) I know how much that hurts. You are my thoughts and prayers!

Miss j aka mixedclawzz said...

I just want to say I'm so sorry. I understand. I just lost my granny on Feb. 3rd. It is still hard for me.