The hardest part is letting go

Well, we survived what turned into 2 days of driving out 2 days there and 2 days driving back from Nebraska! Nursing a tiny one and having 2 sick toddlers made for a long trip. But I must say I am quite proud of them. I think they were so good. Yes they got rowdy at times- but I would have too if I could have gotten away with it! Damon ear drums even burst the day after we got home!
Grandma Elsie's funeral was absolutely beautiful. It was peaceful and serene. yes sad too. I still haven't said goodbye and I won't. I don't say goodbyes. I say see you soon.
I loved having our family together again. It was so good to see my brothers I haven't seen in over a year! And all of our extended family too. It amazes me how close we all really are. Even after years of not seeing eachother things haven't changed. It is a beautiful thing.
So Thank You Grandma for bringing us all together again. I love you so so much. I miss you terribly. But I look forward to seeing you again.



Doesn't she look so beautiful and peaceful? I think so.

It's hard to think I may not see my grandpa again.

Missing just 1 brother here. Kelsey we missed you! Send me a picture and I will add you! There is a hole there for you ;)

Cherish Elsie, me and Grandma Elsie. This picture is priceless.

I have to share this little story. Cherry is old enough that she somewhat understands death. We lost James Grandma last year too. So I took her up to where grandma was laying and explained to her all about how when we get old our bodies get tired and Heaven;y Father brings us back to be with him so we won't hurt anymore. Cherish said "ok" and was fine the day of the viewing. She did good through the funeral services the next day too. But when we were ioutside as they brought the casket out to the hertz (sp?) she looked at me panicked and said "where's grandma going? She going to wake up now?" So I had to tell her No, Grandma is going to sleep for forever now. That her body is going to be buried and her spirit is here with us now. She lost it. She started crying and kept asking to go with grandma Elsie. It tore my heart! I didn't know what else to say so I just cried. We got through it though.
Our first day home I was in her room cleaning her toys. She brings me a play phone and says "Mommy it's Grandma Elsie" I was totally taken by surprise and I got that ache in my heart remembering again that she is gone. So I said "what?' She said again, "Mommy Grandma Elsie is on the phone. Say Hi." So I took the phone and fought back the tears, "Hi Grandma Elsie". Cherry took on Grandma's part "Hi Hollie." I said "I miss you Grandma". Cherry said " I am ok now."
I got chills and cried.

Makes me wonder, was it Cherish's innocence in understanding my worries and my fears? Or was it my Grandma telling me she is ok now through my daughter. Either way I am at peace and that is a moment I can never explain fully how it made me feel.