What a day

I've been through a lot as a mom.  Mostly ups, some downs.  Frustration, joy, happiness, sadness.. you know the routine.  Aside from Braddocks birth and scary pregnancies,  never in my life has my heart had the scare it did tonight.

The kids and I came home from running errands.  I got the kids inside and ran back out to get things from the car. Like I always do. The older two were following me and Lillie was inside with Braddock. We get to the door and she had locked it. The dead bolt.  Awesome. "Lillie, unlock the door." messes with door handle. "No, the top one."  Again messes with the handle. ARGHH!!! For the next 5 minutes I tried explaining in as simple as terms as I could think of how to turn the knob, that she had turned in the first place! It didn't work.  So I went around back thinking maybe she could get that one. (even though it is the EXACT same thing). It didn't work.

By this point she was worried and crying.  I tried calming her down,  Talked softly even though inside I was screaming.  There's a little doggie door on our back door so I reached my hand to it and she held it.  Luckily through this part baby was quiet in his car seat in the front room.  I told Lillie to go get my keys on the floor by the piano.  She goes off crying, comes back with nothing. grrr... Now she is starting to cry harder, and rapidly gets worse.  To the point of hysterics.  Which also got Braddock going.  To the point that he was holding his breath.  Now I was SERIOUSLY FREAKING OUT!  I tried to get her to go get my phone and/or my keys for the next 20 minutes.  She was too upset to even understand what I was saying.  I had Cherry run to the one neighbors house that I know and ask for a cell phone.  I called James 4x with no anser and left him a message. I called my dad and my mom- no answers. WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE HAVE PHONES THAT THEY CARRY EVERYWHERE BUT NEVER ANSWER?!?!?!?!? ok, ok, they didn't know the number.  But I didn't care.  I was getting so scared! 

I kept calling James figuring if he got annoyed he would answer.   I held Lillies hand through the doggie door as she sobbed away. Listening to Braddocks horrifying screams and irregular breathing,  I was seriously debating on breaking a window. (I'd tried finding a way to open them).  FINALLY James answered and by this point I had lost my cool so I just screamed what had happened and the situation.  He asked me "what?'" And I seriously wanted to strangle him through the phone (not his fault, just my emotions). So he said "I'm on my way".  Then it hit me.

Oh shit. (yes, shit. That's rather nice compared to all the words going through my head)  I have the car. Our one and only car.

I finally just said, "I don't care what you do or who you call, but i don't have my phone to call anyone and I don't know anyones number so just do something and make it fast!"

I called him a few minutes later and he was on his way.

I know what you're thinking, am I ready to strangle Lillie( not seriously of course) ? Part of me was so mad. But then as I waited on the front porch where I could listen to Braddock better (I had already found a large rock to bust in the window in case I heard him stop crying and breathing).  She climbed up on the couch and laid her head on the window sill and just stared at me sobbing with her hand on the window.  That broke me.   I couldn't get to either of my babies who were as scared as I was.  I was fighting back tears wanting to not worry her more than she already was. 

After an hour of all of this, James arrived and opened the door.  The poor guy is already so stressed and to add this to it, I felt SO bad. You could see it on his face.  The door was open and I went and got Braddock and he went and scooped Lillie up in his arms. It took a while to calm Braddock down, even after the boob. ;)  I sat on the couch and held him and Lillie came climbing up onto my lap and I lost it.  I just sat there and held them and bawled.

What would I do if ANYTHING ever happened to any of my babies? I think it would kill me. Seriously.

All I know is this made me realize even more how much my family means to me.  How every single second I have is SO precious. I take too much for granted. I need to really LIVE life and make the most of what I have.  And focus more on what is with me now and what will be with me forever. My family.  And try not to stress so much about the worldy things that bogg us down. I need to just eat up every second I have here with my beautiful kids, my adoring husband, and all of my family.

So with that said, there is now a secret key spot OUTSIDE.  And I would recommend to everyone to do the same :)

Ok, dishes need doing and laundry needs folding.

back to mommy duties I go...