A baby!!!

Guess where I've been!?

I took a month off of blogging apparently!
Partly because I was at the end of my pregnancy and miserable and in total survival mode (you moms know what I mean).  And partly because of this beautiful little baby boy who came 3 weeks early! :)

The long story.  (For the sake of my kids one day)

January 21, 2013,

This picture taken that morning!

 

I'd been having contractions for weeks.  I was beyond exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically. This particular day I knew I had just hit that point.  And I knew hitting that point, where I broke down and cried, meant it was time. (It takes a lot to get me to the point of complete breakdown).

At one point in the day, when I was alone in my room I just looked up to the sky and said "Aaron, you quit playing with your nephew.  It's my turn!"

Literally within an hour my contractions picked way up. And they just kept going.

I finally texted my mom around 6pm and told her I was ready to go.   And I text James who was off buying gun ammo to get his arss home asap :)

We said good bye to the kiddos.  Cherry and Damon, completely beyond excited that they were going to have their new brother tomorrow, Braddock- clueless- haha.  He is after all only 21 months old. :)

And Lillie, oh my sweet little tag-a-long Lillie.  She cried. And cried. And was "going to miss you."  She does not like leaving momma :)

But she was excited too.  and we were off.

We got to the hospital somewhere around 7ish pm. I had already spoken to my most amazing midwife Angela.  And she was specialing me, so even though she worked the clinic the next morning, she came prepared to stay the night and deliver our baby!  We walked in to the hospital and I see my friend Ashley there, and I knew the fates had aligned and it was meant to be! Ashley used to work for my midwife clinic way back when I was having Damon. So I had known her for a few years.  Then she went to work for labor and delivery and I had not seen her for a long time.  Until last year when I ran into her when I was taking Damon to testing at school.  Our kids are at the same school! So we see each other there.

Anywho, back to the story....

So we get me all set up, monitored for a while, and she had me go walking.  I was 37 weeks and 3 days along.

James and I walked for an hour and went back.  I had dilated to a 4.  I was staying and we were going to have a baby!

I had planned out how my birth was going to go. Ahem, like it ever goes as planned?  I wanted to be pitocin free, I wanted to wait until I absolutely HAD to have my epidural.  I wanted to labor in a tub while I could....

Ya, that is not how it went at all.  I was GBS+ so immediately I was IV'd up and started on the antibiotics.  Holy crap I forgot how much that one burns through your arm!

Thank goodness for Angela who kept getting me warm blankets to wrap around my arm.  Amazing the difference it made!

Another hour had passed but I wasn't dilating and Mason wasn't lowering.  So I ended up on the pitocin.  I desperately wanted Angela to deliver our babe.  She has seen us through 7 miscarriages and now 5 deliveries.  To not have her deliver what we think may be our last, would ruin it.  So I was willing to help move things along to ensure she could.

The three of us gals had a great time laughing and talking and sharing stories as we watched the time pass.  It was awesome.  After a few hours, I had progressed nothing. : /  Typical for me actually.  I usually go in around 3cm, get to a 4, and it takes HOURS to get to a 7.  So for the next several hours we kept amping up the pitocin.  And hoping for progress. Nothing.

Angela came to break my water, but Masons head was too high up so we couldn't.  But the most amazing thing happened.  Angela was feeling around the sac of water to try and feel his position and through the sac, Mason had his hand up on his head and he grabbed Angela's fingers! She said in all her years of delivering babies, no baby had ever grabbed her fingers through the amniotic sac.  It was a really cool moment.

So we continued to wait, and contract.  I eventually got my epidural.  And not because of intense pain like I had hoped.  Nope.  Because my restless leg syndrome was so freaking bad that I could not stand just laying in the bed!  So I finally said just numb me up so I can at least rest and not want to saw my legs off.  It was the roughest epidural I'd ever had going in.  He hit the nerve in my spine and I seriously freaked.  I felt like my leg was floating in midair on top of this crazy electric shock pain shooting down my hip and leg. Thankfully the med kicked in a few minutes later and I couldn't feel that anymore!

I was still a 4.  So Angela went to rest and I tried to do the same.  I was so exhausted.  James slept away through most of the nights action :) Angela came back and was able to break my water.  We thought for sure that would get things moving.

Time again went by and hardly any change.  We finally decided he was posterior.  That sure explains all the back pain! So I flipped from side to side for a couple hours.  and sure enough, he slowly started lowering with the contractions.   I finally could feel him and the pressure and I hit 7cm.

 

Within a very short time (I want to say like 10 minutes) I went from 7cm to ready to push!

I pushed all of 4x (not even 2 full contractions) and out he came! It was intense, and I could feel everything. I knew when it was his head, I could feel his shoulders.  It was amazing.  I heard his beautiful sweet cry and it was the most beautiful sound in the world.  I looked at James and seeing the tears in his eyes and that particular smile on his face, I cried.  It was as if time stood still for that moment as Mason was put in my arms, and James and I just stared at our beautiful boy. It was the perfect moment.

I knew looking at him, and seeing his nostrils flaring, that he was having a hard time breathing.  So they took him away from me and within seconds his color was so white as I watched from my bed.  They called in the NICU specialists and immediately had him on oxygen. 

It was so hard to just lay there and watch him struggling.  I just cried.  Feeling completely helpless. Angela could see my worry, and she came and comforted me as they got him ready to go to the NICU.  She said the things I needed to hear.  I swear she can read my thoughts I don't say aloud. 

They did a quick weigh and measure before they took him.

Mason Troy

8:53am (13 hours after arriving to the hospital in labor)

20.5 inches

7 lbs 11oz

Our biggest baby!

Mason had fluid in his lungs.  Along with under developed lungs.  He was treated for pnuemonia.  And eventually jaundice too.  The next 7 days were insane.  And emotional.  He spent every one of those days in the NICU without me.  Or I should say I spent every one of those 7 nights in a hospital alone, with out my baby.  It seriously felt like I didn't even have my baby.  Like it never happened.

Luckily I had regained my legs pretty fast so I spent most of my time down in the NICU with him.  I couldn't hold him for over a day.  I couldn't nurse him for almost two days.  When I finally was allowed to feed him I literally just sat there with him nursing and I cried tears of joy.

 

Next to the moment I said "I do" to James, there is this moment at every birth that is my favorite moment of all time.  It is that moment when I see the pride, and the joy, and the love and compassion in my husband.  It steals my breath away.  And I find myself completely in love with him all over again.  It's a 

moment I never forget. The feeling, the look.  It is perfection.  James is the sweetest man I know.  He has so much love for his sweet little babies.  Seeing him with our tiny baby in his arms is like nothing else in this world. 

The kids came to visit me.  Hating that they could not meet their new baby.  Then during the week, 3 out of 4 kids got insanely sick too. Everyone had some form of this crazy bronchial infection and flu mix.  I was so emotionally torn about being at the hospital with my sick baby, and not being home to take care of my sick family.   I started getting a horrible headache that turned into the worst migraine of my life. I drove myself home at 3am barfing on the foggiest night.  So I could take my migraine Rx.  I had pumped enough that Mason didn't have to have formula.  Once it was back to a headache I went back to the hospital.  I sent James pictures and videos constantly.I wanted him there with me so badly.

One full week later we were going home.  I was so excited. And completely freaked out too.  He was so tiny and everyone at home so sick.  And he was going home on oxygen! So I went home the day before and bleached and Lysol'd  down the entire upstairs.

Getting Mason ready to go!

I can not say enough about Angela.  What she has meant to me in my life.  She isn't just my midwife, but a true friend.  I adore her.  And am so grateful that she has been with me start to finish as James and I have created our beautiful family.

Thank the Lord for my amazing mother.  She put her entire life on hold and not only took care of my kids, but my SICK kids and sick husband.  She cleaned up my home, and cooked amazing meals (which my kids remind me of every single day) :)  She drove the kids up to visit, and dealt with not only the kids melt downs, but mine too!  She is my rock.  I literally could not do this without her.  Momma, I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you and admire you.  You mean the world to me.

Mason is amazing.  We are all madly in love with him.  He looks just like his brothers.  He has the sweetest disposition.  He has the cutest cry.  He eats like a champ.  Every one of the kids has taken to him so well.  Even Braddock.  He fits in perfectly like we knew he would.  I can't imagine our lives without him.  

We are so truly blessed.

Meet our New Arrival!

Now that he is 3 days old :)

I'd love for you all to finally meet,

Braddock Dean Hanson

Born Saturday April 16th @ 8:11am.

Weighing in at 7lbs 11oz

Measuring 20.5 inches long

Here's the story: Prepare yourself, it's a long one!

Friday was a looooong day. I had been working on that long list of things I wanted to accomplish before our baby came. I was tired. Emotionally and physically. The last few weeks have been so miserable I can't even explain it. So much pain, so little sleep. I think I was finally convinced that I was going to remain in this pregnant state for forever. Seriously.  At some point in the afternoon though, I got this quiet calm feeling. (Which I found out later James had received that same afternoon) I told myself it was nothing because there was still another almost 3 full weeks to go before I was due. So I just needed to buck up and deal with it. So I continued with the spring cleaning on steroids :)

Friday night I was alone. I had finally gotten the 3 kids to bed, a lot later than usual. James was working.

I finished up a few things and made a new list of the things I wanted to do on Saturday.  10:30pm I was finally pooped out and went to lay in bed and watch tv. Just as the heating pad was starting to relieve some of the back pain I felt this "pop" inside and felt a gush of fluid. I immediately thought "holy crap my water broke!" 10:55pm to be exact :)

I immediately called my mom since she was coming from Highland to stay with the kids. Then I called James. I called my midwife and we decided since I wasn't contracting yet, I could get some things ready to go. I jumped in the shower and got cleaned up, dried my hair and finished packing the hospital bag.  James got home in literally half the time it takes to drive home. He admitted he was going 100mph. Literally. I asked him what he would have done if he gotten pulled over. He said he would not have stopped! ha ha. Boys. We made up our bed in fresh sheets. Picked up a few things around the house. I curled my hair super fast, we loaded the car and as soon as Grandma Finley arrived we left. 

When we got to the hospital the contractions were definitely making their presence but nothing that I couldn't work through. We got all signed in and Angela (my midwife) checked me. Water was for sure broke! (I had this secret fear they were going to tell me I just peed the bed ) LOL!  So we got everything set up for the labor and delivery. Then we waited. Things were SLOOOOOOW going. I always have this problem. For me to go from a 3 to a 6 is about impossible. (Trust me, I have spent hours and hours of long labor in previous births working through that.) But once I hit that six it's nothin before I am pushing. So here I was at a 4 still. So we decided to help it along and started the pitocin around 2am. Angela had decided to check the sac around the baby. I had the initial small gush of fluid and not much more since then. It was just a small leak at the top and now that he was working his way down it was plugged. Time to break the water! Again. But, there was an empty pocket of space next to Braddocks head, he was coming down slightly turned, which meant if we broke my water now, we ran the risk of the chord being washed out and having an emergency c-section. No way. So we waited. 6am-ish we checked again. I was fully effaced, dilated to a 6 and he had moved into the space just right. So we broke the water. Somewhere in the last little bit I received my epidural too. The contractions were so strong and it was getting to that point of it's now or never. And if you know me, I don't do au natural since Cherry :) So I was decently numbed, fully effaced, dilated to a 6, broken water, and BAM! The contractions went crazy. Even with the epidural I was having to completely focus my breathing and mind to get through them.

8am: That undeniable pressure was there. It was time. Everyone was ready to go and I began pushing. Not going to lie, my first push I don't count- it was pathetic. I wasn't in the right mind frame so it did nothing.  So between that and the next contraction I re-focused. I pushed through 2 contractions and had to back off so I wouldn't tear. As soon as I did Angela was able to ease his head out. Immediately she saw the chord wrapped around his neck, which he gave no signs of, she whipped it off and AGAIN! it was wrapped. Twice! Once he was cleared of the chord I gave one more push and he slid right out. This sounds like it took a while, but it was literally seconds. He came out too fast actually. We'll get to that :)

Born at 8:11AM

The poor boy was trying to cry but no sounds were coming out. It felt like a good 20 seconds before he made a peep. But he looked like he was screaming. They cleared his throat and nose and then we heard that precious cry. They lifted him immediately to my chest (skin to skin birth)- best moment of my life! I held him there for a good half hour. Letting him cry to clear his lungs and just taking in every little breath and sound and face he made.  Not taking my eyes off of him. But it was clear he was struggling to breathe. His littel nostrils were flaring with every breath and he was grunting and holding his breath.

I had to give him up to be taken care of. I watched as they took him over to the incubator and started working on him.

Once they had him decently breathing they gave him back to me. I layed there completely mesmerized by him.

We had a few more moments with him while they cleaned him and I up. (Didn't tear if you were wondering) :) And prepared us for moving to our stay room.

We had been in our stay room for all of 20 minutes before they came to take him to do stats. I had James take the camera since I was too numb to go anywhere.

He came back without Braddock and I knew something was wrong. I don't leave our babies in the nursery ever. He handed me the camera and said they were working on him still and that he's still having a little bit of a hard time breathing. Ok. Don't panic Hollie,I was telling myself. He will be fine, just needs to get the gunk out. James left to go back and I started looking through pictures he took.

I saw this:

And then I saw this:

And my heart sank.

A long time passed. A few hours actually, before James came back. They were still working on him. Giving him Oxygen, cleaning out his mouth and nose and waiting for the pediatrician to get there. The rest of the day was a blur. I didn't have my baby, I felt sick not having him. Like it was almost unreal. Like I never gave birth to him.

James came back and told me they were taking him to the NICU. That there was something wrong and he wasn't catching on to the breathing like he should. His little chest was heaving up and down with every breath and he was grunting and flaring his nostrils. Way more work for a tiny baby than it should be.

This was all happening at a little after 10am. He wasn't even 2 hours old yet.

For the entire day I sat alone in my room, worried sick, not able to eat. Texting James for updates that told me nothing. They were doing xrays and running blood work, they had him on full oxygen, and had to put him on an IV to keep him nourished. This went on for hours. His lung tissue wasn't fully developed and there was fluid in his lungs. They had to pump his stomach and they couldn't believe how much amniotic fluid and merconium he had swallowed. Around 9pm that night, they told us he would definitely be staying the night in the NICU and we MIGHT get him by morning. I was told I wasn't in any state to go see him and he was too out of it to try to nurse. So I pumped during the night, said constant prayers and didn't sleep a wink.

It felt so wrong not having my baby in my arms and feeling his little warm body and listening to his breath.

5am came the best call of my life! He was awake and fussing and they wanted me to try and nurse him. I seriously couldn't walk but I felt like running! James took me in a wheelchair down to him.

I cried when I saw him

I picked him up and just held him so close to me, and smelled him, and kissed him. I couldn't get him close enough to me.

Then a miracle happened, and despite being almost a day old, he latched right on and nursed like a champ! It was 13 minutes of heaven. And because he nursed, it meant they could start weaning him off the IV.

I started getting really dizzy so I had to give him back to the nurse. And I went upstairs and actually slept a little.

I got another call a few hours later to come nurse again. I was amazed when I saw him. Tubeless!

And his breathing was so quiet. Hardly any nostril flaring too. He was not as willing to nurse this time and took me almost an hour to get 10 minutes of nursing in, but we got it and it counted! The nurse told me that in that few hours he had ripped out his own tubes, and since his levels maintained she left him off the oxygen. She also made him a contraption of a tube and a filter to ease out the gas from his tummy when she noticed he was getting bloated. She said that was when he really started improving. I was so excited!

Now all we had to do was make sure he would nurse, recheck his blood sugar levels every 3 hours and if they stayed high enough they would lower the IV.

By noon we knew we would have him back by 4pm. I was so relieved and SO happy.

I called my mom to have her get the kids here to meet their new brother. They were so excited! The poor kids had come up twice since he was born in hopes of seeing him. Each time having to go home without even a peek. Cherry even cried because she was so sad she hadn't seen him yet. :( At one visit their boredom resulted in theatrics put on for me with the hospital curtain and my robe. hee hee

It was amazing seeing my four kids together. Damon Ooed over every peep Braddock made. Cherry can't get over how cute he is. And Lillie has decided that Braddock is hers. And she doesn't want to share him. Not even with mommy :)

So after 30 hours in the NICU, he was finally ours to keep. I finally have my little Braddock Dean. Weighing now, 7lbs. But as perfect as can be. I could not ask for more.

I am so blessed and so grateful. And so completely in love with him. He has wound his way into all of our hearts.

Welcome Home Braddock.